"You want g....?""

When I got to my hotel in Phnom Penh, the first thing the hotel rep said to me was "you want g" and as he started to say the "g" I thought, "oh shit, in this town even the hotel staff want to sell sex." The next sound to come out of his mouth, however, wasn't that of the "earl" variety, but of the "un" kind. He explained--there is a shooting range just outside of Phnom Penh where you can shoot AK-47s, M16s, and all sorts of crazy stuff--and its all legal.

Phnom Penh doesn't have the best reputation among cities--it is considered by some to be the most dangerous capital in S.E. Asia because of the amount of guns around--so safety was a priority in picking my hotel. Lo and behold, where do I wind up? At a place owned and operated by the family of a Cambodian general. The hotel rep who made me the offer? One of his soldiers. Apparently, the Cambodian government doesn't pay their soldiers enough, so they have to moonlight or take second jobs to make ends meet (which is probably why they have a corruption problem as previously discussed). Unless there was a govt. coup in the next two days, as long as I stayed at that place, I would be safe.

I was coming off of a six hour bus ride from hell, and needed to blow off some steam--so what better way to do it than by literally blowing something up--even if it was only a paper target. The place was about 30 minutes from town, right next to the airport and a military base. In fact, the place is actually run by members of the Cambodian military. As to be expected, the place was located in a dirt-filled alleyway. Sorry Forrest, but its Cambodian alleyways, not life, that is like a box of chocolates--you never know what you are going to get--one day it can be a brothel, the next day a "massage" parlor, and the next day, a shooting range filled with military surplus weapons.

The place looked the sketchy part, by having a camo net strewn across its entrance, as well as a gate with an armed guard, but it was perfectly legit. I was given the menu (i would have taken a photo, but they were expressly forbidden), and discovered that the place's name was "the Happy Club"--in a country filled with brothels and all sorts of sex businesses, the last thing I expected was for a place called the Happy Club to be a shooting range. I had plenty of options--M16s, AK47s, pistols, rifles, chinese rifles, machine guns, grenades, and even a rocket launcher (conducted elsewhere, but available to try, with a gas tank target for $350).

I decided to join the America haters and selected Russia's most famous export as my firearm of choice--the AK-47. I was scared and slightly nervous, but after firing off the first round and not feeling much of a kick, I started to get the hang of it. Since I was having so much fun, I decided to stick around and try shooting an M16, which was much smoother and had less of a kick. After reviewing my targets, I have learned one thing: if America reinstates the draft and decides to choose me for sniper duty, I'd suggest fleeing to Canada ASAP, because we as a nation are screwed if we have to rely on my piss-poor aim for our nation's defense. I managed to hit the paper, just not the actual "human" part of the target.

So, 30 minutes and $80 poorer, I emerged from the Happy Club feeling like a real man--and yes, I posed with my AK-47 in a photograph.

Shooting isn't the only thing I did in Phnom Penh, but that will have to wait for tmw, as I also describe boring Battambang, my 8 hour boat ride, and my time in Banjarmasin (finally).